Disney Extravaganza, 2014. The Magic Kingdom.

Wednesday found us at the Magic Kingdom.  We rose at what felt like the crack of dawn, got gloriously lost looking for the parking lot to the Magic Kingdom and ended up at the "transportation center," where we took the monorail to the main gate.  We were just in time to see Mickey and Minnie welcome us to the Magic Kingdom with a few fireworks.  Woohooo!!  This was IT!!!

We stood in line with the 55,000 other people who would be at the park that day.  It took nine minutes.  We approached the little pole with the ears, put up our cards and our thumbs, and watched the spinning glow switch from blue to green.  We were in!!!  I was excited to enter the Happiest Place on Earth with Bill, who would be seeing it for the first time.  We entered the gates, and there we were, on Main Street USA, while attendees and cast members bustled throughout.  In front of us rose Cinderella's Castle, a shape almost as evocative as the ears themselves.  (An interesting factoid now that I am an expert in all things Disney: Mickey's ears are always drawn as full circles, regardless of the angle viewed.  So even though he turns sideways, which should elongate them, had he been drawn "accurately" (you know, for a mouse in clothes and gloves), the ears are always full circles, reinforcing that iconic ear image.)

Our first stop was the Pirates of the Caribbean experience, which has changed a little since I was young.  Back in the day, we had to use tickets for the individual experiences, and the Haunted Mansion, the Pirates of the Caribbean, and Space Mountain, among others, required a blue "E" ticket, that was more expensive and sought-after than all the others.  Today's experiences are all free once you enter the park, and the Pirates experience has been updated to include several appearances by the lovely and odd Jack Sparrow.  A very convincing animatronic Johnny Depp hides in a barrel, attracts a pirate's dog, and basks in his own fortunes.  A Disney ride with Johnny Depp?  It really IS the happiest place on Earth!!!

We roller coastered on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and Splash Mountain (we ignored the "you may get wet" signs and were dismayed to actually get QUITE wet), and then hightailed it to Tomorrowland, where Sue Ellen (have I mentioned how much she is the BESTEST EVER????) had secured fast passes for the experience of all experiences, Space Mountain.  We headed eagerly over, glad to see no line stretching from the gate, when a nice male cast member stopped us.  Sorry, Space Mountain is temporarily closed.

The world spun around me.  I felt lightheaded.  I heard the sounds of all my hopes and dreams crashing to the ground around me.  My stomach jolted.  The world.  Was.  Ending.    "WHAT????"

The gentleman was very kind.  He assured us it would open shortly and our fast passes would be good all day.  I informed him, as calmly as I could, that it had been 30 years since I had been to the Magic Kingdom, and that all I wanted -- ALL I WANTED -- was to go on Space Mountain.  He gave me some blah blah blah about how they had to keep it SAFE, and if something was wrong, they didn't want to ENDANGER us, smiling all the time, as he informed me that my HOPES and my DREAMS were CRASHING DOWN.  He encouraged us to load the free "My Disney Experience" app on our phones to keep track of wait times on various rides and to learn when Space Mountain reopened.  We later learned that because of our fast passes, Sue Ellen had been emailed when the ride closed and again when it opened.  Technology is amazing, and Disney uses it perfectly.  We did load the app, and we were able to return to Space Mountain just about a half-hour later, and we zoomed about in the dark.  My day was made, and from then on, the rest was gravy.

In the intervening 30 minutes or so, Mark and I went on the tea cup experience, a Disney classic.  While we waited in line we saw Alice, from Alice in Wonderland, on the tea cups.  She was accompanied by a little blond girl, and as they spun, Alice waved to children who were watching, and she laughed and clapped with the little girl in her tea cup.  I can only imagine how happy that girl is and how vividly she will remember her tea cup experience with Alice.

It was about this time when we realized some alcohol might be in order, and were dismayed to learn there is no alcohol in the Magic Kingdom (not so magic, I would say...)  In retrospect, we were spoiled by the Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow.  With the size of the crowd and the stress level of the children, alcohol probably would have complicated things dramatically.  Apparently, the Be Our Guest restaurant, which is booked solid for months in advance, offers a single beer beverage to adults with enough foresight to have planned their late-May alcohol consumption in January. 

Sue Ellen came through again, though, and booked us a dinner reservation at the Crystal Palace.  The latest available dinner reservation was 3:30 p.m., but that would be the highest heat of the day, and that would be perfect.  In addition, we would be dining with the characters from the Pooh world, and that turned out to be amazing.  As the Disney park concierge hung up, she had asked, "Are you celebrating anything today?" and without missing a beat, Sue Ellen informed them it was Bill's birthday.  He got a large "Happy Birthday, Bill!" pin and a card signed by Tigger, Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore.  For the rest of the day, which went until nearly 11:00, every cast member -- every single cast member -- said, "Happy birthday, Bill!" as we passed. 

We caught the afternoon parade, which was amazing.  The costumes were elaborate and flawless, the dancers were smiling in spite of the heat, humidity, and 70 pounds of regalia, the floats were gorgeous, and the 20-foot dragon shot real flames above the crowds.  Again, everything Disney does, they do perfectly.  The parade was amazing.  We found a spot to watch and were happily assisted by a nearby castmember who moved the crowd-control ropes to help us navigate our seat.  We were serendipitously standing next to a cast member and her husband, along with their toddler grand-daughter, wearing a blue princess dress and tiara.  (Why, why, WHY didn't I bring a tiara???)  They gave us the inside scoop on working there and living near Disney, and they all agreed--it is an amazing place to work, with an emphasis on quality and pride. 

We rode, we walked, we shopped, we ate and drank, we took in all the calm rides, like the river boat cruise, the jungle cruise, and the Country Bear Jamboree.  The Country Bear Jamboree, by the way?  HILARIOUS.  I had visions of Chuck E. Cheez and reluctantly went in only to take advantage of the a/c and upholstered seats.  I was way off.  I highly recommend it.

About 8 p.m. found us sitting and resting under the statue of Walt himself, directly in front of Cinderella's Castle.  At 9 would be the Electrical Light Parade, which I remembered as a child.  I had looked forward to seeing how the parade had changed through the years, and with all the new technology I had visions of fiber optic lights, laser-like whooshes and many other delights.  I was wrong.

The Electrical Light Parade hasn't changed one bit since I was a kid.  The same characters ride by, the same light-bulb style technology shows off each detail, and the whole thing is decidedly old school.  But not old, not falling apart.  Every single bulb lit as it was supposed to, with the blinking ones blinking on cue.  It was a surprising trip down memory lane, and all the better for being the same magical parade it always was.  It was followed by an amazing "movie" shown on the castle itself, with fascinating 3-D effects as a result of being shown on a building.  The sound was flawless--I never heard a single speaker crackle the entire time we were there--and the movie was an homage to all things Disney.  Mickey is my man, and he made a sweet, humble appearance as well.  It was fantastic.

The fireworks show, again, was great, and is another Disney icon, reminiscent of childhood vacations and also those Saturday evenings at home with the family watching the opening credits of the Wonderful World of Disney. 

The whole trip was amazing.  It may take me 30 years to get back there, but that's ok.  Me and the Mouse, we're tight.

Disney Extravaganza, 2014. The Day of Rest

Tuesday was a rest day.  We ate breakfast, went grocery shopping, and hung out at the pool.  I am not of the resort class, I have discovered--or rediscovered.  Our rooms were gorgeous.  Absolutely beautiful.  But there was no towel rack in the bathroom.  Not one.  Where do you hang your towel?  Where do you hang your swimsuit to dry?  So strange.

The tub, which was modeled after a classic clawfoot tub, sat in the middle of the bathroom floor.  Think about that for a second.  We stared at it.  How would we fill it with water?  Bill turned the faucet handle on the nearest wall, which was several feet away from the tub, and we both jumped back when we saw the outcome.  A hole in the ceiling dropped a smooth column of water into the tub.  From.  The.  Ceiling.

Why, people, why?  Oh sure, it looks nice in the way that things look nice in movies like the Wolf of Wall Street.  But the reality?  If you had kids in that bathroom?  There would be water all over the place.  The tub itself was small and uninsulated. When filling it, if you felt for the water temp, you then had to take several steps over to the faucet to correct it, then walk all the way back to test again. And after you use it, how would you rinse the tub out?  You would have to lean into the column of water to spread it around.  No idea how the housekeeping staff did it. The whole thing was ridiculous.

The room had a washer/dryer in it.  I was able to do a load of much-needed laundry.  I put in a pair of jeans, a pair of capri pants and a tank top, and that filled the machine.  I suppose people on vacation have the time to wash a single item of clothing at a time.

No, I am definitely not of the resort class.

However, it was wonderful to have a day of rest.  We all swam in the pool, a much needed reprieve after the hours of walking.  We totally nailed the pool-side trivia contest, shaming the competition royally.  Had they never heard of 80s music?  Heavens to mergatroid.  We cheered on the child participants in the water slide competition, and Bill joined the adults, maintaining a lead throughout the tense competition right up to the end when he ultimately came in third, defeated by milliseconds from the last two sliders.  We went to a smokehouse that involved a whole lot of meat, and Tony, the world's most cheerful waiter.  There might have been some alcohol involved in the later part of the evening, but we're not talking. It was a lovely day of rest.

Disney Extravaganza, 2014. Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow.

Monday was our visit to the Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow.  Sue Ellen, who is the bestest-estest friend EVER had done the research to discover that Mondays are the lightest-attended days at the Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow, and so our Monday Disney day would be spent there.  It was perfect, though, because the adult nature of the Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow left it considerably less crowded and the fellow tourists more cheerful--no babies crying in strollers or toddlers melting down in front of the ice cream trolley.  Also?  The Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow serves alcohol.  At every turn.

And so, I shall tell you this tale for those like me who have not been to Disney in over 30 years: we walked up to the gate with the admission cards Sue Ellen had ordered for us.  Had it been up to me, I would have walked up to the gate with a credit card and gotten an entry card.  I would have been SO WRONG.  Sue Ellen had pre-ordered, and the cards, which had respectively, Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy on them, were tagged for each of us.  (I was Donald.)  When we walked up to the gate, we stopped at a small post that was about waist-high, with a round top about the size of a very large grapefruit. The top of the post had a glowing shape of the classic Mickey ears with a circle around it.  We held our entry card up and watched as the glowy part spun around the circle and then glowed green.  Meanwhile, we put a thumb on the print-pad next to it, and watched as it also glowed green.  Now the card knew who I was, knew my thumb print, and knew I was in the park.  Ah yes, apparently the Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow comes complete with electronic fingerprints of its  inhabitants.

And so we entered the Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow under the iconic, dimpled sphere.  We had done a little homework in the hotel that morning.  Employees of the Disney community are called cast members.  (This I knew from way-back when my friends, fresh out of college, had applied to become Disney cast members.)  Whether you are serving fish and chips in the Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow's England, or you are a battery-lit butterfly in the Electrical Light Parade at the Magic Kingdom at dusk, you are a cast member in the entire play that unfolds to make the Disney complex the happiest place on Earth.  Another thing we learned was that some cultures find it rude to point--even to point at other things.  The Disney complex could not be the happiest place on Earth if we were pointing near people who find it rude.  So cast members at the happiest place on Earth are taught not to point in the typical American way. If you ask for directions anywhere in the Disney complex, a cast member will use their entire hand to indicate direction, turns, and location.  If they must point to something specific they will use a two-fingered point, rather than the American-traditional, index-fingered point.  This applies to everyone, from cast members in the role of security personnel directing you through the line to the young French girl serving up the white wine and blueberry parfait.  

Cast members in service roles also wear name tags with their home city under their first name.  Surprisingly few (I saw only one) listed Orlando, FL.  In Norway, while boarding the Maelstrom experience (the happiest place on Earth doesn't have "rides"--it has "experiences"), a young, Asian-appearing man with a thick, incongruous accent directed us.  And sure enough, his name tag indicated he was from Norway.  

But let me take us back to that initial entry into the Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow, where we encountered the cement monorail structure, jutting stone sculptures honoring donors who made this place possible, and that well-known orb.  A large, three-quarter moon hung perfectly over the monorail track, making a great mental-photo of the orb, the curving track, and a gibbous moon.  Gorgeous and futuristic and geeky-sci-fi-ey.  

Sue Ellen (Have I mentioned how wonderful she is?  She knows me so well!!!) had hooked us up with an early-morning fast pass on the Mission: Space ride.  We attended the video "training" with Gary Sinise who taught us how to operate our space ships and warned us we would be in suspended animation for our trip to Mars.  We sorted ourselves into tech teams to operate our ships, and lined up accordingly.  Additional training took place at various points in line, and soon enough we were strapped into our rocket booster seats and staring at the computer screen in front of us.  Our seats turned so we were essentially lying on our backs, and once the countdown reached 1, we blasted off, with our seats vibrating and gravity pinning us down.  To Mars!!!  We broke away from the atmosphere, sling-shotted around the Moon, and floated freely in space. We entered the suspended animation phase of our journey, which we had been warned would feel like only a second, and then we started our landing on Mars.  Oh no!  Something has gone wrong!!  We had to each operate our station joy sticks and maneuver through the strange Martian landscape to come to a crash landing on a crater's edge.  Phew!!  We barely made it!!!  But we crawled safely out of our capsules and joined our friends in the Mission: Space gift shop.  It's the happiest place in the Solar System!

We enjoyed all the pleasures of Future World, including the Test Track experience, five-dollar bottled water, and many photo opportunities.  Soon it was time to enter the World Showcase, and we walked in that direction.  Cast members directed us, with a whole-hand gesture, over to the pond one crosses to get to the World Showcase.  And I stopped, dumb struck.  Let me tell you, everything Disney does, they do perfectly.  I am so glad to see an American company still taking pride in doing a perfect job.  

The pond is surrounded by elevated walkways and in the pond are large floating flower pots with geraniums blooming in many different colors.  The pots float gently on the water untethered, spinning slowly, drifting almost imperceptibly.  Only by coming back in the afternoon did we realize they were not anchored, as they had drifted quite willy-nilly in the pond.  The whole effect is a beautiful combination of modern, sci-fi, futuristic concrete, efficiency, with a gorgeous celebration of beautiful, colorful nature.  It was stunning.

We went then to the World Showcase, and we ate and drank our way through the countries represented there.  It may be a fake take on world travel, which is the main complaint about the Experimental Prototype Community Of Tomorrow, but it is absolutely beautiful.  The food is delicious, the markets are fun, and there's beer!  And wine!!  

We made our way from foodstuff to foodstuff, and purchased souvenirs, and just as I was about to fall over, we arrived in Morocco, where -- sweet weepin' Allah -- they had COFFEE!!  And then we were in France, and there was a berry parfait (perfection!) and a glass of white wine.  

Mid-afternoon we went to check in to our resort hotel, and we returned in the evening, just in time for the IllumiNations fireworks show.  Everything Disney does, they do perfectly.  And if you think, like me, that you've seen enough fireworks in your life, you may still want to check out Disney fireworks because they are amazing.  The sound system with music and narration is perfect, the timing is perfect, the floating stylized globe sculpture is perfect, the ducks are perfectly trained to leave the lake at dusk before all hell breaks loose, and the whole thing is gorgeous.

Seriously, though, I was struck the whole time by how nice it is to see an enormous corporation and all things attached to it, taking pride in what they do, demanding perfection from employees, getting perfection, and still having a long waiting list of people who want to work there.  It's still possible in this country to do things right.  I would love to see us rise again to that level of pride in what we do all over this nation, rather than only at Disney.

Needless to say, after walking all over the world -- from Norway to China, people!! -- we hit the resort hot tub.  Oh yeah, baby.  Now we're talkin'.  Yowza!!  My muscles cried the entire night, but the hot tub helped a lot.  The next day was a rest day, and boy did we need it!

Disney Extravaganza, 2014. Jax.

And so begins the Disney Adventure, 2014.  

Bill and I had discussed many options for getting to Orlando for our Disney Extravaganza 2014, and in the end, we decided to go the old fashioned way.  Jacksonville, the home of Bill's bestie, is only seven hours away by car, and that seemed like a manageable drive.  But my shift at the Borg Call Center is noon to 8, and that meant leaving for Jacksonville (known as Jax, for those who are COOL) at 8 p.m.

The Borg Collective encourages its employees to leave the late shift together, to keep everyone safe walking to their cars.  On the Friday night we were leaving, there were three other people here, and I sat, with my mouse hovering over the "log out" option on my PC, and at eight-o'clock-ON-THE-DOT, I logged out, jumped up, and ran to the waiting car.  My Borg colleagues had agreed to walk themselves safely to their cars without me, and as I stepped out the door, Bill was beeping the car horn and yelling "Disney!!!  Disney!!!  Disney!!!"  My Borg friends stood at the door and waved me on my way.  DISNEY!!!!  DISNEY!!!!  DISNEY!!!!

And off we went.  Darkness came fairly soon after we set off, and along the way there were potty breaks and digging into the packed snacks.  The highways past Raleigh thinned out, and soon enough we were on 95, passing the signs for South of the Border and Pedro begging us to check out his collection of fireworks and souvenirs.  By the time we crossed into South Carolina, it was fully dark, and South of the Border was lit up like a mini-Vegas, an oasis of life in the middle of darkening highways.  

We would be driving through the night, with an ETA in Jax for 4 a.m.  I had anticipated a feeling of loneliness on the highways.  That the roads would empty as the night wore on.  Or perhaps we would be surrounded entirely by 18-wheelers, maximizing the road-hours that had the fewest travelers.  I had assumed there would be a noticeable difference driving through the night.  I was wrong.

Throughout South Carolina, Georgia, and the northern parts of Florida, traffic flowed steadily, with no discernible drop.  Bill drove cheerfully on.  We were going to Disney, after all!!!  I, however, slept through South Carolina. The mileage signs along 95 point to Florence, SC, about 40 miles into the state from the north.  After that, there are no landmarks.  I had assumed I had slept through any landmarks in SC, but on the return trip I learned otherwise.  There's a whole lot of nuthin along the I-95 corridor in South Carolina.  Wow.

One thing we did notice as we traveled further south was how the road-kill changed.  Possums and coons on the side of the road gave way to armadillos and snakes.  It is so weird to see the landscape change.  Later, when we were in Florida, we noticed the proliferation of palm trees everywhere--no surprise. We even passed a cow pasture, grass of course, but lined with palm trees.  Now that's something you don't see in North Carolina!!

Georgia was more fun, and blessedly brief.  We debated pulling over in Savannah and grabbing a cheap motel, but decided to push on through, and I'm so glad we did.  By 3:30 or so we were pulling into Tom's driveway, and by 3:50 we had hugged our hellos and fallen into the guest bed.  Zzzzzzzz...

Saturday was a relaxing day. Bill got up early and went to work with Tom, while I slept in. But they were back early, and we got the tour of the lovely home Tom shares with his mother and her friend Michelle.  We decided to cook out, so we all traipsed to Costco for provisions, and I met Tom's sister and her children.  Costco is known to me, and as you can probably guess, all Costcos are the same.  Except for the clientele.  Florida, being the nation's largest retirement community, is full of old people, and as I watched the elderly gentleman stumble frailly into the seat of his SUV, I realized I was not in North Carolina any more.  You need to be in vacation mode when everyone around you is retired.  Sue Ellen later said driving in Florida is like snails on a track.  No one is in a hurry.  No one can see above their steering wheel.  And their reflexes aren't what they used to be.  Hence we shuffled through Costco at the retiree pace, and emerged 19 hours later with steak, potatoes, and an eight-gallon pack of milk.  But we were together, and Tom and his family are absolutely delightful, so life was good.

Tom also has a lovely motorcycle.  When we got back from our sojourn into elderland, he threw me on the back of his varoom varoom and off we went!!  For the first time ever, I thought I might slide off the back, as he bolted out from complete stops, the seat shooting forward while I remained, inert.  Visions of Wile E. Coyote suspended above his Acme rocket smoke trail in the moments before his fall danced in my head.  I held on tight!!!

Sunday morning dawned bright, and we headed to St. Augustine, where Tom patiently waited outside every single store in town, and Bill and I beheld the wonders that are this historic town.  There was a bar, some beer, a little ice cream, and lots of souvenirs from the city founded in 1565.  History oozes from every corner, and I was in a sunny, sandalled Heaven.  

We eventually left Tom with big hugs and kisses, and then headed for Orlando and checked in to the hotel Sue Ellen arranged for us all.  Sue Ellen and Mark would be arriving at 1 a.m., so we found the Miller's Ale House, enjoyed a delicious steak salad (me) and fish tacos (Bill), as well as a few fruity adult beverages.  Soon enough the Mark/Sue Ellen/Jenny/Bill foursome was reunited, and we were excitedly planning our next day, our first Disney day.  Whoop whoop!!!